Missing Sleeping Timothy

These days, after Timothy is in bed for the night at about 8 pm, I acutely miss him. All day he is around me, and then at 8 pm, all of a sudden, he is not. Not laughing or coughing to attract my attention. Not giggling. Not requesting feeds. Not farting (oh, now that he is eating solids, the farts are SMELLY!!)

Yes, I can see him on the video monitor, but it’s not the same. Isn’t that insane that I miss him in the evenings, while he is in the same house? What will I feel 6 months from now when his daycare starts?..

Timothy is Growing Up too Fast

A week ago, we started solids. At first it was rice cereal, then we added oat cereal. And then a couple of days ago Timothy farted and I went: ewwwwww!

No more sweet-smelling breastfed baby.

As my hubby said, Timothy became a man. And started to smell like one.

Sigh.

I always felt too attached to breastfeeding. I was freaking out big time when my milk supply wasn’t able to keep up with my giant of a baby (when he was 3 weeks old). I was HYSTERICAL, bawling when my hubby gave my hungry baby a bottle of formula. I refused to even watch. I felt betrayed. A failure. I knew that once you start supplementing, it’s all down the hill from there – the more other substances you give (milk, water, formula – whatever) – the less milk your body will produce, getting the signal that this is all your baby needs.

And then I grit my teeth and fought for it. I nursed almost non-stop. There was one day when Timothy spent 6 hours attached to my boobs (with an occasional bathroom break for me). That way he was stimulating the boob AND not crying of hunger. I pumped for 15-20 minutes each boob after each feeding. It felt like all I did was nurse or pump. And we came through it. My milk became plentiful and Timothy only ever had 2 small formula bottles in his whole life. I am very proud of myself.

And then once we started approaching the 5-6 month threshold, I started getting apprehensive all over again. Feeling sad that Timothy is not gonna need me all the time any longer, getting part of his nutrients from solids. The nursing sessions – which now became so easy, cuddly, companionable and short – further apart, shorter. To eventually disappear altogether in a few months.

I feel sad that this chapter is getting over.

I am happy that he’s growing. I am proud of his achievements. I am proud he has such a great appetite and eats his cereals so well, practically wrestling the spoon out of my hand.

But I can’t help feeling sad, feeling that the time is slipping though my fingers, feeling that next thing I know he will be packing for college…

Not Ready

Every time I think Timothy is ready to drop his nighttime feed, he proves me wrong. For a night or two the pacifier works as the 4-6 am feeding replacement, but then the third night comes and there is no soothing back to sleep. He is crying, increasing the volume, spitting out the paci.

And all those theories that solids help, dreamfeed helps – are all fantasies. At least for us.

We started solids – he eats his cereal just before the nighttime nursing. He still wakes up for his 4-6 am feed.

The other day we were out (with Timothy). I fed him his cereal in the restaurant, gave him the boob and he fell asleep in his carseat. When we got home, I decided to dreamfeed him a bit while transferring him from the carseat to his crib.

So he ate cereal in the evening AND he had a dreamfeed. He still woke up at 5 am to eat.

So…

I guess he is just not ready.

Whatever – he sleeps so well most of the time that one feed per night is totally fine!

Timothy Update

Hi everyone! First of all – sorry for the quiet. I do read you all – but commenting from the phone is a lot of hassle. And so is posting…

Timothy… what’s up? We started solids three days ago. He LOVED it. Seriously, he almost wrestled the spoon from my hand. And since then I figured out that he prefers his rice cereal all watered-down – he actually screams in protest when I finish the feeding by wiping his face And his poop hasn’t been affected yet, no constipation or anything.

And I am glad that it’s not grown-up stinky yet, too

Anyway, today he really knew how to eat, opening up his mouth and licking the food off the spoon properly.

He learned rolling over from tummy to back (although every now and then he forgets that he knows how to do that). But enforcing tummy time is much harder now

He proceeded from grabbing feet in hands to grabbing one foot with both hands.

He is much better with grabbing things when I offer them to him, and holding on to them, too.

He loves jumping, when I support him.

We go to the outdoor community pool almost every day, he loves it. The first time there he was just staring – so many people in colourful swimsuits around! But now he starts enjoying it. We sit on the steps where water reaches up to his waist and he jumps there. Or tries to stand, leaning onto the next step. He looks very cool in his sunglasses

He can sit unsupported for a couple of seconds, leaning on his arms.

He is teething. He has crying bouts now every so often and he became wakeful. While he used to sleep until about 5 am without waking up, now he wakes up at 12, 2, 4, 6, 7… But the pacifier puts him back to sleep right away (phew!)

And while I tried to stop feeding him at 5 am before, all it ever lead to was him waking up more often. But since he is waking up all the time now, and since he now eats solids, I decided to try and stop feeding him at night again. So far, so good. I feed him at 7:30 pm and then when we start the day – at 7:30-8 am. And he doesn’t wake up ravenous. And – bonus! – his diaper does resemble a bowling ball

He is 5.5 months old. I love him to pieces. He is so interactive, he plays games, he gets the concept of picaboo, he coughs to draw attention, he laughs and giggles, and he says “mama” when he is very upset. Internet says at this age it has nothing to do with me, but still – melts my heart

Two sides of story

Hungry, cause I had no time for breakfast. With spitup in my hair because Timothy did have a proper breakfast. Wearing t-shirt that has a hole cause I didn’t have the time to change it. Face void of make-up. Wearing crocs cause my toenails are a mess.

But.

But: refreshingly rested.

Timothy went to bed at 8 pm yesterday – half an hour earlier than usual. He woke up to eat at 5 am. And then he slept until almost 9 am!

I relied on him to wake me up. As it is, I am on my way to the dentist hungry, thirsty – but rested

Observation

Vacations are the cleanest days of our lives. You take a shower in the morning. You take a shower after sex. You take a shower after the day of swimming in the sea/pool/lake.

Maybe even more showers – if there is more sex