I remember reading a blog post of an infertile scolding a fertile’s post about her attitude towards what is and is not considered ‘help’ after you give birth to your child. While I wasn’t enamored with the whole way the post was framed (cowardly attacking somebody else’s blog post without posting a proper link, starting a big discussion behind the person’s back), I agreed with most of the snorting going on.
Now that I am pregnant and I am reading books about pregnancy and giving birth, I find out that through all the bitterness we might experience while waiting for that BFP, we never stop to think that, well, we don’t really know anything about being pregnant or postpartum or a mom. And so our judgment is often skewed.Everything past BFP seems to be roses, no thorns.
Pregnancy can be a very scary and painful time – you do need love and support through it! And encouragement.
Announcing the news is not an insensitive thing to do. You do have to announce the news sooner or later, whether the news will hurt those still struggling. I mean, we aren’t expected to hide the babies forever, even after they’re born? So all of a sudden you realize that updating a facebook status is not an insensitive thing to do. It’s normal. And we are striving to get pregnant and be normal. Although I have to admit my facebook yet has to see this “pregnant!” update. I don’t know why, but I still withhold the news from the broader public.
And then postpartum… I read today that it really is important to have help in the first week or two with cleaning the house, cooking, and changing the diapers – it is very likely that the new mom will barely have the energy to breastfeed the child and take a snooze every time the child snoozes. That’s all!No other activities!
I did not expect that a new mom can be that helpless. But hey, that’s a government-approved book, not a ‘fertile’ blogger saying that. Learning more makes me look in a different way at what those ‘fertile’ moms put on their blogs.
We are often too quick to jump to conclusions that those complaining about things are ungrateful or whatnot – but, in truth, they’re often simply reflecting the facts. They just don’t constantly excuse themselves by saying “yes, I am VERY grateful I am pregnant/I have a child, but…” – they just put things as they are. I think it goes without saying they are grateful to have kids – why wouldn’t they? But that doesn’t change the fact that that’s the way things really are – hard and frustrating, oftentimes.
Now, you can say I feel this way only because I haven’t struggled through years of treatments and was waaaay too lucky to got pregnant on the second cycle at the clinic. That might be so. Still, I think we should be all more tolerant towards each other and not just go about assuming that if someone didn’t mention “I am so grateful” somewhere in their post, that they aren’t.