C’est tout. This was my last day at work. Feels bizarre. Not having to go to work any longer. To wake up at 7 (ok, 7:30). To commute.
Basically, between now and baby’s arrival, I don’t have to do anything. Weird.
So what are my plans? I don’t have any. Relax, read, paint, do nothing. Enjoy the quiet – it won’t last 
Yesterday I told my boss about my pregnancy.
We scheduled a 5 pm meeting to go over some things – my boss was too busy to meet earlier. Since it was after hours, we had a good conversation, not rushed and relaxed. For an hour, we discussed all the ongoing projects, plans, initiatives… And then when the discussion died down, I said: there is something else I need to tell you: I am 13 weeks pregnant.
She beamed – I don’t know if she was really that happy or whether, as a boss, she got really good at putting on a big smile – but either way, she warmly congratulated me, asked me how I feel and for how long I will be able to stay.
I told her that while my contract with them is up in the e/o December, my due date is early February – she said she sees no problem extending it if I want.
And overall she told me this is great news and not to worry, they will survive and plan my succession 
. Which made me feel really good – I felt awkward when the day after I accepted their offer I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I was cheating, accepting job knowing that I will be leaving them (if all goes well) in 8 months.
So I feel relieved and at peace. Time to start planning vacation. We want to go south for a week, just the two of us, to fully enjoy the quiet time, recharge, reconnect, and prepare for the coming changes,
I called Service Canada today to find out the situation with maternity benefits. It’s pretty straightforward for most people: you get 50 weeks of paid matleave, the employer holds you place for you in the meanwhile. If you earned more than 22K in the 26 weeks preceding your mat leave, and worked for more than 600 hours in the previous 52 weeks, then you get $468 per week (minus taxes) for those 50 weeks. Or about $1700/month – net.
But for me, it’s very complicated. I was on unemployment insurance in April and May this year. Because of that, they calculate my insurable hours not for the whole 52 weeks prior to matleave – but only from the day I got off the unemployment. So I will have 7-8 months. Now, I work 3 days a week – that’s 22.5 hours a week. It looks like – if I don’t skip any days – I will have about 630 hours to claim. I can barely make it there! But I probably will. I will try and negotiate shuffling my workdays around to accommodate for the planned vacation (instead of taking days off, move them to week before/after vacation).
Also, since I am on contract, my employer won’t have to hold my job for me – so I won’t have anywhere to go back to once my 50 weeks of matleave are up. And – great news! – it looks like I will be able to then convert my matleave into regular unemployment benefits for another 18 weeks at same $1700 per month. This should give me enough time to look for a job – while still feeling financially secure.
So now my focus is on accumulating enough hours. I just hope they won’t fire me once they find out I am pregnant. If I were full-time, I wouldn’t worry (it’s illegal to fire someone for being pregnant), but since I’m on contract and have been there for less than 2 months… I don’t feel too secure. Oh well. I’ll have to wait and see.
At least it looks like everything should be fine.
And anyhow, the main thing is I am pregnant and we will have a baby. We can figure out whatever else might happen.
I am working for an alcohol company. I accepted an offer from them, and then I found out I was pregnant. Of course, for now I am keeping my pregnancy quiet. But today it was very hard to hide: we had tasting, samplings, and then a bartending corporate event.
I managed to dodge all the liquors without attracting attention to the fact (I think).
Tomorrow is another u/s. In a week and a half, I will be 12 weeks. I wonder when I should tell. I will have to tell sooner rather than later – for my belly keeps growing. Yeah, for now they don’t notice because they don’t know any better. But I think soon it will be fairly obvious.
What I hate about trips is that you have to eat at the restaurants and I always get this vitamin hunger – there just aren’t enough fruits and vegetables in the restaurants! They insist on shoving breads and meats and potatoes in everything. And even if you order a salad, it’s primarily various stupid plants (what am I, a goat? a cow?), while I am looking for meaty tomatoes, bell peppers, cucumbers… real vegetables. And I couldn’t order fruit salads as they primarily consist of melons and strawberries – which I have to stay away from.
I bought myself a big orange one of the nights, and had a mango-orange smoothie yesterday, but I still feel vitamin-deprived.
Another thing that didn’t go all that well was my walking for too long with a suitcase in tow around Chicago. Sightseeing. At first I took a couple of boat tours, and then decided to walk. And all was fine until it was time to go to the airport. Right at the subway tourniquets, as I straightened myself after pulling money from my purse, I got muscle spasms on both sides of my lower belly. Real bad. I got SOOOO scared, I thought I might be miscarrying. In a foreign country. With no travel insurance. Forget all that – I thought I was miscarrying, period.
But then I had enough presence of mind to remember that I get such pains now whenever I walk for too long (for over 1-1.5 hours) straight. I bet it’s the muscles that are moving aside, making way for the growing uterus. But it hurt so badly!
I dragged my suitcase down to the platform and, thankfully, there was a seat on the train and the ride was long enough. It got a bit better.
I shoved the progesterone pills just before the flight – I figured they a) are meant to keep the baby inside me and b) are producing ‘relaxin’ so I was hoping those muscles will relax and stop aching.
I am still not completely well this morning and am a bit worried about the upcoming u/s on Wednesday. But the pain is on the sides. Not where the uterus is. So I hope everything’s fine. I am not googling.
Glad to be back with all of you – I missed you all (and now I need to go eat a dozen mandarins).
I am flying to Chicago today – for work. I know, my doctor told me it’s perfectly safe – but I still am worried.
But I am guiltily looking forward to two night of quiet, with no chores to be done, with eating out (or ordering in… more likely) and going to be and sleeping in – for Chicago is 1 hour behind us.
I should drink plenty of liquids today, though – for the flight.
8w0d today – ninth week has started!
Exhausted beyond comprehension. Woke up at 9 am, fell asleep at about 12:30 pm, slept for 2 hours… The only reason for waking up – wanted to pee. Still sleepy. Listen to that belly growling – am hungry, too…
I know, I should be grateful I am not suffering from morning sickness on top of it all, but I guess I am too tired.
I was dreaming today that I had to confess I was pregnant while on a conference call with the headquarters (in the States). Once I went off the line, I (somehow, as it only can be in a dream) was able to hear my boss’ discussion with the US counterparts. The US people were suggesting firing me right away, and my boss was saying that in Canada, firing a pregnant person is not worth the bother, especially for a big corporation.
I woke up with evil thoughts of confessing I am pregnant right away – and stopping all the worries of not being able to perform… for I will become un-fi-rab-le!
No, not gonna do this, of course…
So, am going to make myself a salad… read about 8 weeks (received one update email telling me my baby is the size of a raspberry), and read – or maybe watch a movie…
Am tiiiiiiiiiiiiii-red… Yawn…
So this morning I was in bed, having a horrifying nightmare. There were some weird human-looking creatures attacking people, shooting needle-thin plastic… er… skewers? – at people. I knew that if you kill such a creature, it simply vanished into thin air. So I go around, some daggers get stuck in my face (the only exposed part of my body), I get them out, it hurts. I run and hide and duck and run for cover. I am terrified. All of a sudden some guy menacingly approaches me. There’s someone standing with a kitchen knife close to me, so I snatch the knife and swing it at the guy. He tells me menacingly: don’t do it. As my knife nears his body in slow-motion, I notice a tooth crown at the back of his mouth. WTF? A “zombie” with a crown? And that’s when I feel the impact of the knife. And see that they guy doesn’t disappear. He’s human. I am terrified witless.
That’s when the phone woke me up, thank god.
“Did I wake you up?”
Of course no. What else can I say.
Well, thanks for waking me up from THAT, anyways. Especially – with such good news. I got a job offer! It’s a fantastic opportunity for me. I’m terrified because it feels much too senior for me, but I have many people to support me and to answer my questions when I will have them. And I know I will.
So now – waiting for tomorrow. The pregnancy test. Can I have more excellent news? PLEASE?
This cycle, things are different.
First of all, despite what I said earlier, my period is back to being long and voluminous. TMI: on Wednesday, I was under the impression that AF left the town and we had sex. Boy, was I happy my dearest hubby didn’t turn on the light when he went to the bathroom… Two days later, AF is still out and about. All in all, I believe long AF is good – it means my lining grows thick and fertile or so I want to believe.
My mood improved tremendously. I’m not fixed on ‘getting pregnant’ as much as I was last cycle, as I am focusing now on my career change plans. These thoughts are making me happy. They awakened me from my half-depressed half-asleep state of mind. So much so that yesterday I went out on my rollerblades in the nearby park, today I am going out for sushi with my friends and – the most important thing – I spent the whole day today creating.
I joined a glass mosaic class and today I was working on my project for about 7 hours straight. My back is killing me and my finger tips are covered in micro cuts and teeny-tiny splinters, but am I feeling happy!!!
I also submitted my application for the 6-month graphic design program, along with samples of my work. Keep my fingers crossed.
I feel like things are moving.
I feel rejuvenated.
And you know what? Birds are singing, sun is out, and a fat caterpillar crossed my path as I was struggling to stay up in my rollerblades yesterday.
Life is beautiful. You just need to stop and notice it.
My mood is improving dramatically. I am on the verge of making a career-changing decision. Like, send all in the pooper and go back to school career-changing.
I am looking into schools, I am comparing fees and number of semesters and curriculums, I am asking around and already got myself two coffee dates with people in the new industry.
And I don’t remember the last time I felt so… inspired.
It’s scary. Going back to school, being among recent high school grads – at my age. Putting too much pressure onto my hubby – he’ll be the main bread-maker in the meantime. The lifestyle will change. I have no clue how to manage baby-making and studying/career-changing, but let’s solve that problem when it arises (maybe it already is ‘arising’ in me as we speak).
But despite all the fears and uncertainties… I feel so uplifted and hopeful to have a better, more joyful career.
