Baby Stuff

I took my first trip to the baby store today – I went to toys’r'us.

Right away I realized I have never been to this store on a weekday afternoon – the store welcomed me with a newborn cry (only newborn cry so quietly) and a couple of VERY pregnant woman right in front of me.

I walked around like in a museum, rarely touching anything.

I read some labels, but most were more confusing than helping. They were listing all these functional things they offer which didn’t tell me a thing. I am a first-time mom, I have no idea what half of these are and why should I care. Bad marketing, I say.

I folded and unfolded a couple of strollers. I tried to understand why everyone is saying wheel size is so important – all the wheels looked the same size to me.

I got amused by an orthodontic (!) pacifier.

Bathtubs looked really, really uncomfortable, all with these weird plastic shapes.

I left confused, clutching a catalogue. I came home and put a hold on that book everyone recommends in the library – the one with the reviews of all baby products.

But hey, I made my first trip to the baby store. And although I did feel like an impostor among all those very pregnant women, I feel good about taking this step forward

RLP

I have had a few occasions of RLP (round ligament pains) at 7-10 weeks. Well, let me tell you, that was nothing – compared to yesterday.

We went to our tango class, and all was fine, and then as we were walking toward our car after the class, I felt like someone stabbed me with 2 knives on each side of my uterus, in my lower abdomen. Stabbed and started slowly turning the knives.

It’s like a 20-minute drive home from there, but at some point the pain got so intense that I started moaning (and I am VERY pain-tolerant) and we had to urgently stop the car as I felt like those stab-wounds are just gonna explode inside me. I crawled out of car and it got better once I was standing. I walked along the sidewalk back and forth for a few minutes and got back in the car. The pain was excruciating.

We got home around 10 and until about midnight (for TWO HOURS!!!) I was standing or walking back and forth. Standing, leaning against room corners or doors with my forehead, in a slightly tilted position. I couldn’t sit, I couldn’t lay down – each time I tried, the pain would become so intense that I even screamed on a few occasions (especially when I finally had to sit down to pee). I was so sleepy and I couldn’t go to bed, it hurt so much!

Around midnight I decided to take a hot shower. My book suggested warm bath, but since I wasn’t able to sit down, bath was out of  question. After 10-15 minutes in the shower, the muscles relaxed and I finally crawled into bed and fell asleep instantaneously.

But man that hurt!

All I could say is: I am definitely taking epidural when it’s time to go into labour!!!

Au’revoir, Progesterone! (TMI)

Yesterday, finally, was my last progesterone day. I was on it since right after the ovulation, at 2 weeks, until yesterday – 14w3d. A bit over 12 weeks in total.

Overall, it wasn’t too too bad. I got sort of used to it. Sort of.

First off, I got sooo itchy when I started taking it! Itchy and even passed a bright red blood clot, albeit a small one. Which is still unexplained – was it the implantation bleeding (but that isn’t supposed to be bright red?..) or the results of a yeast infection it supposedly gave me? I switched to taking the suppositories rectally and – no more itching, no more blood clots. Baby – BFP!

Then the days of taking the suppositories began. 1 in the morning, 2 in the evening, 200 mg each – 600mg per day in total. I don’t know anybody else who was given that much progesterone.

The cost was pretty high, but my insurance picked up 80% of those. Phew.

The suppositories messed up by intestines pretty bad. Most women get badly constipated. Not me. I was suffering from diarrhea bouts and insane urges to go to the washroom within an hour after shoving suppositories up my ass. So I had to wake up 30 minutes earlier than needed to ensure the urge catches me still at home – and not in the middle of my commute to work.

But taking them rectally protected my underwear – there are no leaks whatsoever!

They also made me bloat real bad. I have a 9w photo – my belly is bigger there even than it is now – at 14w3d! Those were really painful. Like someone opening my intestines with a knife. Slowly.

It made the logistics of having sex, going camping, and other things a bit more complicated.

But, of course, I do not regret any second of it. I got my baby out of this experience – and I kept my baby. It’s there, it’s growing – and I am getting more and more excited with every passing day. If I had to, I’d take it the whole duration of the pregnancy.

But of course – being finally off progesterone – it’ll be a bit easier to be excited and happy

Pregnant Art: Changing Life = Changing Shoes

Another spread from my pregnancy artbook.

Before I got pregnant, you would be hard pressed to catch me in anything too casual on my feet. Layers of bandaids, but shoes were my thing! Mostly high-heeled blisterizers.

Ever since I got pregnant – that ended. Not only did I stop wearing heels – I bought birks and crocs and a new pair of snickers. My friends had a troubled look on their face when they saw crocs – they still cannot believe I wear them to work (well, in the office I change… but I wear them on the way to/from work).

And I am so happy I bought Sorel boots last winter – they will be sooo handy this coming winter!

So this spread is devoted to this part of my being pregnant

Image is clickable, as always.

Sources of Joy

I mentioned some time ago that I felt so anxious throughout the first weeks of pregnancy, that I almost forgot I am supposed to be enjoying it. I made a conscious effort to switch – and it’s working!

What’s contributing?

First off, sharing the news. Accepting congratulations. Talking to people about it, answering their questions – how do I feel, do I feel the baby yet, do I know the gender yet, have I had an u/s, etc. This all makes it real. This all is one big external confirmation: yes, I am pregnant.

Which is great – but still feel a bit… blah. Why? Somehow, the connection between “pregnancy” and “baby” doesn’t quite happen in my brain. I don’t know why.

I was feeling sort of the same as before: waiting for the baby, just not going through the motions of TTC. Weird, huh?

So what helped me to finally connect with the “baby” idea behind my growing bump and pregnancy questions?

A book.

My friend gave me a book she was given at the hospital when she delivered her third child. I am keeping it in the bathroom – to force myself to read it slowly, let the info sink in. And the book is making it real.

Phrases like “make changing your baby the opportunity to bond, touch the baby, talk to him, explain what you’re doing – it will soothe the baby and help you bond; it will turn changing into this special time”.

Paragraphs on how to choose clothes, how to change the baby, how babies don’t like anything being pulled over their heads – and pictures of babies in pj’s.

Explanations of nursing as bonding experience.

How rocking your child will remind him of the time he spent in your belly.

All of this is doing its magic – I am finally believing it – I am visualizing it. I am seeing myself as a mom, caring for my baby, cooing, singing lullabies, stroking and rubbing my baby.

I am filling with joy. Getting peaceful. Happy. Amazed. Wondering.

It’s pure magic.

And here’s the recent page from my pregnancy artbook, to illustrate my sense of pure joy

Libido Back!

TMI? Perhaps. But my libido is back and even more.

My friend, mother of three, told me that during pregnancy senses get much keener, and orgasms much more intense.

Then I read that, of course, this is not the case for everyone.

But I have to report it is the case for me. Woohoo.

Belly is starting to get in the way, so I researched the reco’d positions

Overall,14w1d – and I’m starting to fell joyous, just like I dreamed (and not because of sex – I will expand on the subject of joy sources tomorrow).

MIL Plans to Visit

MIL just dropped an email that she plans to visit for a couple of days in mid-Feb. No she didn’t ask – she just announced. And mid-Feb is supposed to be 1 weeks after EDD. After reading recently on one of the forums an essay about what to expect in the first couple of weeks after labour (e.g. lemon-size clots), I am not so hot about having ANYONE in my house in the first two weeks.

My sister will be coming over to stay with us – to help me out. And I really didn’t want anyone else to come until later on. I know both my parents and my PIL – there will be lots of stress, forcing me to do things their way, etc.

And, seriously – in mid-Feb, the midst of the flu season, I am hardly interested in someone coming to the house fresh off the plane…

Not sure how to proceed.

Here is the essay that I read and that makes me feel really, REALLY frustrated that the visit was just announced, without even asking.

14 Weeks

14 weeks are here. Amazing.

Yesterday I spent some time bagging lots of my clothes away. I can’t fit in almost any pants and jeans (I can sort of close them, but only while I stand, no sitting allowed).

None of the button-down shirts fit – neither in boobs, nor in belly region. I am glad we don’t have dress code at work.

Lots of t-shirts were packed, too – too tight, too short, too booby (now that boobs threaten overflowing out of anywhere).

I wonder, when will I be able to fit in those again?

My hubby was even a bit taken aback by the summer dress I put on yesterday. He felt my boobs are too big to be put on display like that. Trust me, they weren’t on display. They’re just big. Read: noticeable. I can’t help that. And it’s hot out there. So – whatever.

I haven’t mastered the will power to put away shoes. Although I haven’t worn most of my summer shoes this year – too uncomfortable (narrow high-heeled blisteriziers, the majority of them) – I still keep them close. I actually wore one pair to tango yesterday – their soles are leather, and that’s much better for ballroom dancing on those hardwood floors. Tango was awesome. I am keeping the shoes for a little while more. Summer will be over soon enough anyway.

And then it will be fall, and we will find out the gender. In 6 weeks.

And then it will be winter. And we will greet our baby into this world – in 26 weeks or so.

And then… well, then the big journey will commence!

PS I almost forgot: I am officially into trimester #2 now! Whichever way you count, whether the first trimester is 12 or 14 weeks long – I am there now! Yaaaay!