My Thoughts are All Confused Ever Since The…

27 May

…”congratulations, you’re pregnant!”

I spent some time jotting those down as the day progressed… I am sure I will have fun reading these later. Maybe years later.

Thoughts passing through my head:

  • I cannot believe this
  • Is there really a baby in there?
  • It’s as big as a poppy seed now!
  • It’s heart will start beating next week!
  • What a perfect timing with yesterday’s job offer! I’ll save some money AND accumulate enough hours to collect maternity leave money from the government!
  • Well, I won’t be going to graphic design school this fall. Their program goes until e/o Feb or early March – it looks like my due date is Feb. 5th (according to an online calculator… and since I know my ovulation date precisely, it’s quite accurate)
  • I wonder why there’s no morning sickness. I heard women with no morning sickness are at higher risk of miscarriage
  • So those early morning freaking urges to pee WERE a sign of pregnancy!
  • And I also thought I noticed my areolas darkening… browning a bit
  • Well, the growing boobs are all because of the progesterone suppositories… but they aren’t tender or anything. But then they never were even with my periods.
  • What if they’re wrong? It wasn’t the regular nurse taking blood today, but a replacement. What if she mixed up the vials? What if she ran the test wrong?
  • I am terrified that something might go wrong
  • I wanna share these news with the whole world – but I can’t, not until the first trimester is over. I shared with ALL of you (which is a pretty damn close substitution for “telling everyone”) – and my closest friends.
  •  I am so glad my new job is part time. I hope everything will be fine there (e.g. I won’t get fired or something… it’s a contract until e/o December, so I hope everything’ll be fine)
  • I should start saving money for my mat leave
  • I worry that I was overly active this morning (to prevent myself from staring at the phone, a prepared a long todo list and got working on it: loaded the dishwasher, cleaned both bathrooms (and I HATE cleaning bathtubs, it gives me back aches), cleaned all the winter shoes to be put away, stored away winter clothes, brought down my summer shoes, cooked vanilla-rosemary chicken…
  • Will I be even able to wear all those funky summer shoes? Almost everything I posses is high-heeled and generally highly uncomfortable
  •  I hope I won’t be too morning-sick. I don’t want my new boss finding out about my pregnancy too early on
  • I have no clue what the next steps are. I am so used to seeing docs and nurses all the time, and from what I heard now there will be prolonged periods of time with no communication. That’s scary!
  • I have to start drinking more water. And peeing more *sigh*. I really don’t drink enough. Not even close.
  • I am so glad I passed on those martinis yesterday and those sushi on Monday (I went for BBQ eel sushi instead).
  • I wonder if that’s pregnancy that makes me bruise even easier than ever now. My legs make me look like a home abuse victim.
  • I am going to be a mom? There will be a baby? There is ALREADY a baby inside me? Half me, half my hubby? That’s a MIRACLE. True miracle.
  • I’ll have to become a Costco member… diapers there are best priced!
  • My parents-in-law will be visiting us in 3 weeks… should we tell’em?
  • How do people dress to hide pregnancy? I am pretty slim.
  • I will be working for an alcohol company – how will I be explaining my non-drinking (until I finally break the news)?
  • A bit disappointed my hubby didn’t bring anything – flowers or something. Came home and went out for his karate class (after a couple of minutes of tender hugs and nervous laughs)
  • What is this pain on the left side? Is this ECTOPIC?
  • No, no pain… not anymore… gas now…
  • Some pains again… on the left… that’s where the follicle was…
  • My hubby came home and I expressed how I feel. He’s out now (it’s past 10 pm) buying something to celebrate a bit. I am putting on candles.

That’s all for today…

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6 Responses to “My Thoughts are All Confused Ever Since The…”

  1. jennawoestman May 28, 2011 at 9:27 AM #

    YAY! I remember those crazy thoughts. In a few more weeks it’ll feel more real, I promise. And what’s cheaper than Costco diapers?? Cloth! Get on the train, girlfriend! 😉 http://www.gdiapers.com

    • zygotta May 28, 2011 at 10:37 AM #

      wow – i never heard of these!
      do they stay put? don’t they slide aside, allowing for all the poo to escape?
      the video brought a flashback from the days when the maxipads didn’t have wings or glue… yikes!

  2. jennawoestman May 28, 2011 at 3:33 PM #

    It’s all I use on Analie, and they leak every now and again, but so do disposables. And I’ve never had them slide to the side. Hehe. The worst clothing disasters have come from the times she’s had a disposable on!

    • zygotta May 28, 2011 at 3:57 PM #

      very cool
      and they are available in Canada, too!
      and such nice colours 🙂

      I guess I still have enough time to learn about babies… so far I’ve been focusing solely on weeks 1-4

      I was SO surprised to find out that the poppy-seed-sized baby already started developing the eyes!!!

      I have an appointment (blood) on Monday. I hope everything will be GREAT.

  3. BleedingTulip May 28, 2011 at 6:21 PM #

    Your comments made me chuckle… especially the “What is this pain on the left side? Is this ECTOPIC? No, no pain… not anymore… gas now…”

    I guess I have the opinion of … I guess I don’t understand people waiting for 12 weeks. Because it perpetuates the misunderstandings of infertility and miscarriage (not that I think you will have a miscarriage, but that is why you are waiting, isn’t it?) If you don’t want to share then don’t, but own whatever decision you do make. Maybe tell your co-workers that you’re a light-weight and so you will refrain from drinking at work?

    I also don’t understand trying to hide a pregnancy… when you’re body starts expanding you can wear some looser/more flowing shirts/tunics, but once you have a real baby-bump… why not embrace this thing you have worked so hard for, desired for so long?

    I hope this doesn’t come across as judgmental, it’s mostly just a huge curiosity because I genuinely just don’t understand.

    And finally – try not to drive yourself crazy over analyzing every box you carry and every moment you clean. This early into the pregnancy it’s good to be careful and not hoist a truck or whatever, but you should still live you life, and do the things you normally do unless a doctor tells you otherwise.

  4. zygotta May 28, 2011 at 7:34 PM #

    I told the closest people. And not only because I’m afraid something will go wrong (my best friend miscarried 4 times in the last 2 years… That’s the primary reason I worry)

    But it’s also that I don’t want everyone to know. Because people will start intruding. Giving advice that is too early any way. Asking questions. I am the kind of person that can share pretty much anything with friends – but am quite closed with less-close people.

    I can’t tell anyone at work about my pregnancy because they just hired me. I got the offer a day before I got the BFP. And it’s not full-time – it’s contract, so they’ll be able to fire me and no lawyer will be able to help me that early on (my friend went through a similar situation). Of course, once there’s a bump, I’ll have to tell… but not yet. Not until I had a chance to prove myself valuable – if only for a couple of months. You have to remember that in Canada mat leave is a year-long thing, so it’s a major HR issue for them. They just paid a headhunter for finding. And right away I’ll tell them in a few months they’ll have to start all over? I don’t think so.

    And yes, I am already getting back to my senses re: hot showers, bath-cleaning and heavy bags. I guess yesterday it was “under affect” 🙂

    You don’t come across as judgmental at all, don’t worry. But I do realize that we all have our own circumstances and reasons for doing things the way we do – which are often not obvious to those around us 🙂

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