Why Am I Being Ridiculous?

29 May

So I was thinking to myself, why am I being so ridiculous? Yes, I am pregnant. Like millions, billions of women were before me. And those women went on with hard manual labour, carrying heavy stuff (their older kids, for example!), some even working in inhuman conditions.

For centuries, there was no distilled water. Water was mostly contaminated and drinking beers and wines was much safer than just water. So alcohol consumption was really big.

And they all did it!

So why do I feel the way I do? Overly anxious and worried and uncertain?

Today, it hit me.

I know lots of people who just got pregnant. Pretty much like “you wanna have a baby? let me see… oh, I am ovulating tomorrow, let’s get on with it” – and then BAM! – they report they’re pregnant 2 weeks later. I am serious, this is a real story.

And then I have a few friends that are fighting infertility, multiple miscarriages, unsuccessful IVFs, stillbirths and so on.

I DON’T KNOW ANYONE WITH AN INFERTILITY PROBLEM WHO GAVE BIRTH!

So all I know from my immediate surrounding is that either you’re perfectly healthy and get pregnant fast and easy on your own, or you do have a problem and all you see is follicles not growing, body not responding, ovulation not happening, chemical pregnancies, miscarriages, disappearing heartbeats… And no success stories. For years and years.

I really want to be the one to break through this IF muck – and hopefully start the lucky strike for my friends.

But right now these stats are taking their toll on me. I’m afraid it will be like them. Something going wrong as opposed to me greeting a perfectly healthy baby in early February next year…

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6 Responses to “Why Am I Being Ridiculous?”

  1. The Tao of Pig Pen May 29, 2011 at 10:35 AM #

    Hang in there. We were lucky enough to get through. It is a real beast on your soul. Once we got through it all we realized how much others were affected too. I wish you the best but know that your feelings are common and completely normal. You are amazing for taking on the battle already.

    • zygotta May 29, 2011 at 10:50 AM #

      Thank you. This really means a lot to me.
      And you’re right – what happens with us affects those around us…
      Maybe I should talk to easily-pregnant people more often and get affected by them…

  2. Mo May 29, 2011 at 10:40 AM #

    esperanasays.wordpress.com
    jjiraffe.wordpress.com
    thefertileinfertile.blogspot.com
    http://www.stirrup-queens.com
    http://www.bustedplumbing.com
    http://everyoneelsebutme.blogspot.com/
    Those are women who have been infertile and now have healthy babies. At least some women – those are the ones I follow.
    http://www.eggsandsperm.com
    mydustyuterus.blogspot.com
    http://2scompany3safamily.blogspot.com/
    artistmouse.wordpress.com
    These are women I follow who have battled infertility or pregnancy loss (some of them for years) and are currently past (or close to being past) the first trimester.

    There are about 10 more who are still in the first trimester. But I figured these would be a good start.

    You’re not being ridiculous. Being worried is completely understandable. You do your best, hope for the best, and hopefully around 8 months from now you’ll have an amazing baby to take home.

    • zygotta May 29, 2011 at 10:53 AM #

      thank you Mo
      I already am following some of the blogs you listed – and definitely will check out the others
      (I still struggle with how to follow blogs from other platforms)

      i guess starting a blog here was, in part, my trying to fins some success stories while in my “real” world I see none…
      Thank you Mo, your support means a lot to me.
      As well as reassurances that I am not THAT ridiculous 🙂

  3. Elphaba May 29, 2011 at 11:52 AM #

    I’m in the second trimester and I’m still having a hard time believing I will get to the other side. Just take it one day at a time–my mantra has been that worrying isn’t going to change anything. It’s hard, I’m not going to lie, but somehow you get through it.

    • zygotta May 29, 2011 at 12:18 PM #

      Yes, you’re right Elphaba.
      Generally, I am pretty good with brushing bad thoughts under the carpet and avoiding looking in there. Or, rather, I am good at switching my attention to something else.

      I am much like you in that I also am starting a new job now that I already know I am pregnant 🙂 Which adds to some of the anxieties…

      Thank you for the support, I will take it one day at a time!

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