Apologies

22 Jul

It was brought to my attention today that some people find my blog offensive. Caught me by surprise. Well, I can see how some of my posts might seem offensive to those who suffered through FAR more than I did, trying to have a baby – and I want to sincerely apologize.

I never meant to offend anyone. And I never meant to complain here – most of my comments are simple observations of changes that take place. Yes, I get frustrated and perplexed at times. But I am incredibly happy and grateful to be going through this experience. I was surprised anyone could suspect me of not being happy and grateful for my pregnancy simply because I mentioned I miss sushi.

I started this blog after a year of TTC and getting the PCOS diagnosis. I was referred to a fertility clinic and had no idea how long and how successful my journey was going to be from that point on. I found this community, where I found support and answers to my numerous questions. And tried to support others.

I’ve wanted a baby for about 10 years now (in my first marriage, I didn’t have a baby because my ex just didn’t want them) – and I finally am pregnant, and hope to end up with a healthy baby in 6.5 months.

Trust me, I am extremely grateful. And, well… I honestly believed my success story might bring hope to other people. Other IF-to-pregnancy blogs definitely did help me.

In any case, I am sorry if I offended any of you in any way. I won’t participate in ICLW going forward and will keep my blog as it is – hopefully, a pregnancy blog from now on. And I would like to thank the ALI community through my – short – infertility treatments journey.

If you know that I follow your blog and don’t want me to – let me know.

Z.

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21 Responses to “Apologies”

  1. Babylicious July 22, 2011 at 9:06 PM #

    I’m not sure of the backstory of who made you feel this way…but I am in a similar boat. My ttc was far more of struggle than I expected it to be…but yet still much easier than many of the other bloggers out there. For us, it only took several clomid rounds. But–I gained SO much from reading the IF blogs out there. I realized as after only a couple months TTC that something was wrong but of course, the dr wouldn’t do anything until a much longer time. So for those many many many months, the blogs were where I learned about what IF was really all about. They educated me on PCOS, IUI’s, IVF, adoption and everything in between. I learned about medicines, procedures, tests etc. It helped me speak frankly and intelligently with my dr when the time came. It made her take me seriously. I know others may not want to read my blog about life with baby…and that’s fine–I don’t wish pain on anyone. BUT–IF touches people in different ways and amounts…and regardless of your journey, it changes you–it gives you empathy. I still participate in ICLW from time to time…that’s how I found you. Just my two cents.

    • zygotta July 22, 2011 at 9:29 PM #

      Thank you for your comment.

      I don’t think that what irked people was the fact that I got pregnant so fast (so fast, in fact, I am not considered and infertile here – although I did go through a fertility clinic).

      It’s the fact that most in this community apologize over every post they make once they get pregnant. Apologize for being happy, apologize for sharing a morning sickness story, even asking permission to complain or post an u/s pic – and I don’t do any of those things.

      I document things as I feel them, with no regard to who might be reading this and how they might react. So I guess I should’ve stopped participating in ICLW – or should’ve posted in a more considerate way.

      Since it’s my blog that I would like to keep as a record of how I honestly felt during my pregnancy (and if I felt tired or aggravated – then that’s part of my memories, too) – it means I’ll have to say good-bye to the community and respect their feelings.

      I’ll still stay in touch with those who aren’t bothered by my blogging style – with you, for example πŸ™‚

      • eighteenyears July 26, 2011 at 3:20 PM #

        I think your approach is the right approach. I don’t have to apologize for feeling scared or worried about not being pregnant — and you shouldn’t be expected to apologize because you are.

        Blog on, my blog friend, blog on.

        The nice thing about this — you don’t have to read something you don’t like. πŸ™‚

      • eighteenyears July 26, 2011 at 3:20 PM #

        I think your approach is the right approach. I don’t have to apologize for feeling scared or worried about not being pregnant — and you shouldn’t be expected to apologize because you are.

        Blog on, my blog friend, blog on.

        The nice thing about this — you don’t have to read something you don’t like. πŸ™‚

        • zygotta July 26, 2011 at 5:13 PM #

          thank you for your supportive words πŸ™‚

  2. Laurie July 22, 2011 at 10:14 PM #

    Like you, it didn’t take me long to get pregnant and despite the PCOS I don’t consider myself “infertile” (but I do consider myself very lucky). I still read some IF blogs but rarely comment. I have learned a lot from IF blogs and feel that I have a WAY better understanding and am more sympathetic and respectful than the average person because of it.

    I happen to really enjoy your blog so I am glad that you won’t be changing anything πŸ™‚

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 10:01 AM #

      Thank you Laurie – perhaps, others don’t see me as infertile as well. For me, infertile is anyone who can’t get pregnant without doctors’ help. I guess others might see things differently.

      So I will keep this blog as is and follow the blogs I care for (or rather bloggers I care for). Maybe rarely commenting – unless I know the feeling is mutual.

      Thank you for enjoying my blog πŸ™‚

  3. Tanya July 22, 2011 at 10:33 PM #

    I’m sorry that someone felt offended when reading your blog. This is your place to vent, complain, and write about whatever is on your mind. My feeling is that if you don’t like what you are reading then don’t read. No one is forcing anyone to read it. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep things as they are and I’m sorry you feel like you can’t participate in ICLW any longer. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve tried to get pregnant…any month that goes by without a pregnancy is heart-breaking.

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 10:10 AM #

      Thank you Tanya.

      Perhaps by listing myself in the ICLW list of blogs, I actually did force people to read me, in a way? So I won’t do this any longer.

      I’ll let the people stumble upon me – and decide for themselves whether they want to read me or not. Without “forcing”.

  4. Nikki July 22, 2011 at 11:26 PM #

    I’m going to be blunt here, so forgive me if I offend anyone…

    But I don’t care if I offend anyone.

    This is your blog. This is your place to share your feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc. without having people judge you. If someone is that upset, then they need to read something else or move on. I refuse to apologize for being pregnant – and I would feel the same way even if we hadn’t been through the hell we have been through – because nothing is certain and I take nothing for granted (as I’m sure you do).

    I am sorry that some people are upset about their own situations and choose to take it out on others, but a blog is a personal space where you should feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment. If you’re happy, you should be allowed to be happy. And if you’re sad – be sad. None of us have walked in any of the others’ shoes and we don’t know what it’s really like.

    It makes me sad that you had to post something like that because I think we get very wrapped up in our own thoughts and emotions because all of these issues are so solitary and so isolating. It’s a shame that we can’t all find that connection with each other and let other things go.

    Whew…that really set me off. Sorry about that. In any case, I say keep writing what you’re writing. If someone’s that upset, they can move on. If you enjoy ICLW, then just make sure that you put “pregnant” in your keywords somewhere – and then no one can claim they weren’t warned.

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 10:37 AM #

      Thank you for your opinion, Nikki. I tend to agree with you – it’s my blog for my emotions. I don’t judge others – and I avoid blogs that do that (I stopped following a few blogs because I felt all they did was judge other people, especially ‘fertile’ women. This just didn’t feel right to me – I think people should be allowed to live their lives the way they want to, as long as they are not calling people to was or racism and such).

      But – it’s their point of view. Maybe it helps them cope with what they are going through. I say let them do whatever helps. And if my blog offends them – I am withdrawing from the community.

      I left those blogs to their judging quietly. I keep reading blogs that seem to share my values – and some of my pains and fears. And I try to have a normal pregnancy, try not giving in to all sorts of fears, try to celebrate and plan future with the baby. Try to stay positive, even though nothing is ever certain, like you said.

      Thank you for your support, it means a lot πŸ™‚

  5. jennawoestman July 23, 2011 at 7:57 AM #

    You have no reason to apologize for being joyful and real about your pregnancy. In no way have you been inappropriate or disrespectul to those setill trying. Iknow it’s easy for bitterness to set in with infertility, but that does not give anyone the right to transfer their negativity to you. 28 more weeks, right??

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 10:39 AM #

      28 more weeks, yes – somehow it’s less than 200 days now and I noticed only now!

      Thank you Jenna, hearing this from you – who went through far more than I did – means a lot to me.

  6. ifserenitynow July 23, 2011 at 12:29 PM #

    As someone who has been through it all with IF, I do not find your blog offensive. If I choose not to partake in a post that may not be up my alley, that is what I do, I just don’t read it or comment. I’m sorry someone made you feel like you don’t belong here. Maybe they don’t belong here. This community is open to anyone who has had a struggle to get pregnant small or large, and that constitutes you too. You shouldn’t apologize as you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m proud to have you as a follower and I will continue doing the same with you.

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 1:11 PM #

      Thank you – this comment warmed my heart πŸ™‚

  7. Mrs. E July 23, 2011 at 1:25 PM #

    Just wanted to say I’m glad you’re not going to stop blogging. I enjoy your posts and appreciate your comments on my blog as well. For me, the best part about this community–and ICLW–is that we get to meet people in all stages of this journey. I personally like seeing people who, like you, have gone through it and come out on the other side. I don’t think you need to apologize for your BFP, your fears, your complaints, your joys… Have a wonderful weekend!

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 3:21 PM #

      Thank you, Mrs. E
      I am not apologizing for being pregnant – I am apologizing if I hurts anyone, without ever meaning to, that’s all.
      You have a great weekend, too!

  8. Sueno July 23, 2011 at 6:03 PM #

    Thank you for visiting your blog, I like your art too. Good luck with your illustration course. I had a quick scan through your recent posts and can’t see any reason for offence or that your journey isn’t worthy of sharing in the IF arena. i hope you will keep blogging x

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 6:44 PM #

      Thank you Sueno – I am really looking forward to my illustration classes!

  9. chinkebrowneyes July 23, 2011 at 9:48 PM #

    I read ur blog and smile because someone suffers from PCOS and is pregnant. That gives me hope. I look forward to reading about ur milestones. I don’t post everyday but I read each one. I didn’t know people were so sensitive in the blogging world. Blogging is about u. The same ppl who judged r also on here blogging about their opinions on subject matter that is important to them. Tell the haters to kick rocks!

    • zygotta July 23, 2011 at 10:03 PM #

      Thanks Nikki.

      I won’t tell anyone anything. My blog is and will be a reflection of my inner world. I just won’t be part of a system with rules and authorities any longer – I will be just… me.

      But I am grateful to the system for I found all of you through it!

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