Archive | August, 2011

On Raising Kids

31 Aug

I spent about three hours talking to my sis today. To me, she is the perfect mom. I like the way she deals with her kids – and I like how her kids are turning out.

For example, her older one – who’s already 20 – is awesome. He has wonderful relationship with his parents. He shares a lot with them – for he knows they will never disclose it to anyone else or judge him. He never even went through that teenage phase of conflict! It went all smooth. It says something, right? He even offered me to introduce me to his girlfriend a couple years back when I was visiting.

The younger one, she’s 5, is also a very calm and nice child, no unreasonable tantrums, no nothing.

So I recently started asking lots of questions on raising kids.

Granted, it’s still too early for any of the disciplining or anything for me (my baby isn’t even born yet!)  – but I want to wrap my head around the concept. And it looks like it all is coming down to respect. What my sis does so differently from our parents – and many other parents I know – is treating her kids with respect. I’ll give you a few examples.

Example 1.

It’s late evening, time to go to bed. My niece is watching a cartoon. There’s about 10 minutes left. My mom (her grandma) simply says “ok, time to bed” – turns everything off – my niece throws a tantrum, everyone is unhappy, although my niece gets in bed right on time (whether she falls asleep easily is a separate question). What does my sister do? She says: “okay, honey, it’s time for bed. I see that you’re watching something really interesting, so let’s finish watching it and then quickly get to bed”. That’s it. No tantrums, no hysterics. When the cartoon is over, my niece quickly undresses, brushes her teeth and goes to bed.

And that’s the way it has always been – if, for example, my niece watched short cartoons and asked for “one more” – my sister usually would say “okay, but just one” – and after that, firmly but gently get my niece to bed.

She always respects her wishes, her interests. You can’t – or at least shouldn’t – just force someone to do something.

Example 2.

My parents bought my niece a new toy – huge plastic horse. The horse isn’t too sturdy, so they kept telling her and disciplining her “don’t climb on it, don’t knock on it, don’t do this, don’t do that”. And complain to my sister that she doesn’t listen. It all ends up with a horse’s broken leg. My niece is, of course, in tears. What do my parents do? They say “see? told ya!” – over and over. To really drive home that this all happened because my niece wasn’t listening to them. My niece who’s already in tears because her favourite horse is broken, gets even more hysterical.

What does my sister do? She tries to calm her down. Tell her that they will go and look at the horse. Let’s put the blanket over her, while we look for the first aid kit. Let’s see if we have bandages to fix her leg. My niece calms down.

My sister believes that once she bought her daughter a toy – the toy belongs to her and she’s free to do whatever she wants with it. My sister respects that. Of course, she’ll warn her daughter that if she handles the toy this way, it might break – but she will never force or forbid her anything. If it breaks – the girls will still learn her lesson.

My sister believes that restrictions should only be used in situations where her daughter can harm herself – like touching an iron or an electric jack.

Example 3.

There’s a need to bring my nephew to the dentist. My sister consults my nephew: when would you prefer to go? When is it convenient for you? She tries to work a time that suits all of them.

My mom gets impatient: why do you even ask him? Just grab him and go!

But no, my sister respects the fact that he might have his own plans and does her best to schedule the dentist trip around it.

Conclusion.

I really want to learn from my sister. And because deep inside I am programmed to follow my parents’ model, I will have to consciously work on it. So I am starting to learn from my sister – and keep notes of her words of wisdom here. For my future use.

And how do I know that my parents’ model sits in me? From my first marriage. I behaved just like my mom. A lot. Which really, really wasn’t good for our relationship. That’s not why the marriage didn’t work, but I learned my lesson – and I changed my ways.

I hope I will be more successful with changing for raising kids – from the first try.

Overcoming THE Laziness

30 Aug

I am trying really hard to be good.

To drink my vitamins. The twice-a-day preg-vit and an additional calcium supplement. The problem with preg-vit is that they want you to drink the morning pill either a whole hour before meal – or 2 hours after (and still 1 hour before the next one). Which is impossible. Which always leads to me skipping the morning vitamin altogether. Which is not good.

I decided to start taking it in the am, regardless of time of my breakfast.

I rub cream into my belly twice a day. So far, I’ve been quite diligent.

I need to exercise more. Do yoga, take a walk, – anything!I became a couch potato. Pretty much.

I have to finally start doing the kegels.

And I need to go see a dental hygienist and do my flossing daily. I am too lazy. I hate flossing.

Why, why am I so lazy???

All Blogs I Follow Disappeared!

29 Aug

I go to WordPress.com reader – and nothing! It tells me “Nothing to read! Why not find your friends, subscribe to some blogs, or have a look at Freshly Pressed?”

Whaaaaaat?! I already did subscribe to “some blogs”!

I follow over a dozen wordpress blogs, maybe even more. Where did they all disappear?!

I am so upset. How do I find again all the blogs I used to follow? I don’t have their URLs saved anywhere 😦

Please comment so that I have your URLs!

Why Sharing Pregnancy Aches and Pains is Important

28 Aug

Something crossed my mind recently. I find it extremely important when other pregnant women share their aches and pains and problems. Even if they sound like they complain.

It is important for them – it gives them support and love (well, from those capable of showing some love). It comforts them.

It is important for us – because how else are we supposed to be prepared for what’s to come? It’s educating.

When I had sharp stabbing pains in my lower abdomen, I didn’t run to the hospital – I recognized the round ligament pains. I read about them in blogs.

When I got bloated to the 5-minth-pregnancy size at 9 weeks, I knew it’s normal. Not everyone goes through this, as no two pregnancies are the same, but it’s normal.

I recognized baby kicks because I read about them on blogs.

And overall – knowing you are not the only one going through various aches and pains is comforting.

Keep on sharing – sharing the pains, fears and aches – and sharing love and support in return! And whether your readers are already pregnant or not, one day they will be – and then they will need this kind of support, too.

17 Weeks, Cat Poop, Worries

28 Aug

Is it really 17 weeks already? 4 months??? When did this happen?!

Unbelievable.

Baby is stretching and moving and happily floating around inside me.

I got another pregnancy-related gift yesterday: stretch mark cream. Right on time, it seems: today’s newsletter said “and some of you might have already noticed first stretch marks”. I checked – I have none. Yet. I am lathering my belly twice a day.

I am a bit concerned: I was at a party yesterday. There are 2 cats in the house, and the litterbox in the bathroom looked like it wasn’t emptied up for a few days. And they mentioned their dog (they have a dog, too) eats cat poop and runs around trying to kiss them. So now I am really scared I might get toxoplasmosis. Should I go get checked? I don’t know. I am worried.

Internet says that only a very little number of cats carry active disease transmitters. But it also says “if the litter box is emptied daily, then nothing to worry about”.  That litterbox had lots of sh*t in it. So I am worried.

Trying to stay positive. 17 weeks. Half-way there in 3 weeks from now.

But how can I protect my baby? How can I be sure I didn’t pick up something nasty yesterday?..

Calcium, Pacifier, and Movement

27 Aug

The bliss of the second trimester.

I am feeling great. I am – finally – full of energy. I feel like dancing and singing. And I sing. Sometimes a lot.

My appetite is definitely growing. I might have gained another pound or two, so total gain so far is around 6 pounds. Although the first two pounds went all into boobs, I am sure.

Bought calcium supplements yesterday. Seriously, how on earth am I supposed to have 3-4 servings of milk?! I rarely drink even one. I find milk quite disgusting. And overall, I prefer drinking water and tea – I believe that drinks add unnecessary calories and sugars without making you feel full. I gave up all pop and juices years ago – and happily maintain my weight while eating pretty much as I please.

So hopefully the calcium supplements will help – as the baby is going through a growth spurt right now. Of course, the calcium is for me: the baby will get what it needs. It’s me who might end up toothless if I don’t consume enough calcium.

I also started spreading cream religiously all over my belly and my sides, morning and evening – just as I used to spend time with progesterone suppositories twice a day. Only this is muuuuuch more pleasant 😉 My friend told me she’s been oiling her belly, only to end up with stretch marks on the sides. Which she never thought to oil. So I am spreading the cream all over. I hope I got my mom’s genes – she doesn’t have stretch marks.

Round Ligament Pains plague me every now and then. It even woke me up this night – I guess I might have turned awkwardly in my sleep.

I already need to put something under my belly when lying on my side. Belly looks the biggest when I am on my side – muscles are too stretched to hold it in any way, so the belly sort of lies next to me. Very weird. And uncomfortable if not supported.

Got a small gift yesterday: a bottle and two pacifiers. So now I have 3 baby items: a onesie, a bottle, and a pacifier! Exciting 🙂 Hubby said “well, we’re ready for baby’s arrival now, we have all that’s really needed” :))

Baby moves a few times a day. Very cute. Often when I wake up in the middle of the night to go pee, I feel it’s moving. I read once that babies tend to sleep during the day, rocked to sleep by mothers walking, and wake up at night, when the mother is at rest.

I love being pregnant. I enjoy every minute of it. I love my changing body. This is all I wanted for so many years.

Pregnancy Artbook – Dreams of Growing a Huge Belly

26 Aug

Another illustration from my pregnancy artbook: dreams of growing a huge belly 🙂

This one swings both ways: if you aren’t pregnant, you dream of becoming pregnant.

If you are pregnant – in the early stage (like me) – you dream of a huge belly. Of being really-truly-noticeable pregnant 🙂

Pregnancy Artbook - Dreaming of growing a huge belly