Sources of Joy

9 Aug

I mentioned some time ago that I felt so anxious throughout the first weeks of pregnancy, that I almost forgot I am supposed to be enjoying it. I made a conscious effort to switch – and it’s working!

What’s contributing?

First off, sharing the news. Accepting congratulations. Talking to people about it, answering their questions – how do I feel, do I feel the baby yet, do I know the gender yet, have I had an u/s, etc. This all makes it real. This all is one big external confirmation: yes, I am pregnant.

Which is great – but still feel a bit… blah. Why? Somehow, the connection between “pregnancy” and “baby” doesn’t quite happen in my brain. I don’t know why.

I was feeling sort of the same as before: waiting for the baby, just not going through the motions of TTC. Weird, huh?

So what helped me to finally connect with the “baby” idea behind my growing bump and pregnancy questions?

A book.

My friend gave me a book she was given at the hospital when she delivered her third child. I am keeping it in the bathroom – to force myself to read it slowly, let the info sink in. And the book is making it real.

Phrases like “make changing your baby the opportunity to bond, touch the baby, talk to him, explain what you’re doing – it will soothe the baby and help you bond; it will turn changing into this special time”.

Paragraphs on how to choose clothes, how to change the baby, how babies don’t like anything being pulled over their heads – and pictures of babies in pj’s.

Explanations of nursing as bonding experience.

How rocking your child will remind him of the time he spent in your belly.

All of this is doing its magic – I am finally believing it – I am visualizing it. I am seeing myself as a mom, caring for my baby, cooing, singing lullabies, stroking and rubbing my baby.

I am filling with joy. Getting peaceful. Happy. Amazed. Wondering.

It’s pure magic.

And here’s the recent page from my pregnancy artbook, to illustrate my sense of pure joy 🙂

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4 Responses to “Sources of Joy”

  1. Artistmouse August 9, 2011 at 10:05 AM #

    Beautiful illustration, as usual!

    You are such a good influence on me right now. Would you mind sharing the name of the book that you’re reading? I can use all the help I can get to get out of my anxiety rut.

    • zygotta August 9, 2011 at 10:20 AM #

      Sure, it’s a free book that the government in the province of Quebec gives to all new moms after birth. The one I have is from 2007, but the book can be downloaded from the government website:

      http://www.inspq.qc.ca/tinytot/PDF.asp

      the first few pages were about jaundice, acne, and other stuff like this (not helping :)) but then they started talking about bathing, changing, etc. – and I am enjoying my slow read 🙂

      I am glad you like the illustration (although I really doubt a pregnant woman will be doing crazy poses like this one ;))))

  2. brogen78Nikki August 9, 2011 at 10:25 AM #

    It is really hard to fully grasp the concept at the beginning. At the beginning, I always have to consciously remind myself that someone is in there and that we’re going to get to meet at some point (of course, the whole LOOOONG nine month stretch doesn’t help that much).

    I know you’re really waiting for movement. With my first one, I felt her about 18 weeks or so (and I’m overweight, so if you’re smaller, you could feel him/her sooner). It was a really weird little bubbly feeling that happened a few times in an hour, and it took me a while before I realized what it actually was. It all really starts to sink in when you can feel the little dude and interact. That said, I’m glad you’re finding ways to connect now 😉 It will all help in the long run. As wonderful as pregnancy is, it’s a HUGE mental adjustment…and a wonderful one :).

    • zygotta August 9, 2011 at 10:55 AM #

      I am divided on the LOOOOONG 9 months. On the one hand – yes, it feels like a ling time. On the other – it gives you the time necessary to turn your mind around and get used to the idea (and, well, sort your finances, matleave, and other stuff :)))

      Thank you for the support!

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