Keep Being Preggo? Give Birth? Can I Choose Both?

7 Jan

Less than 30 days to EDD… And things are getting progressively uncomfortable.

I swear, I heard a small CRACK! when the baby was busily stretching inside me yesterday. And then he went silent – it freaked me out!Did he just break something and lose consciousness? I started poking and shaking him – and sure enough he woke up with vengeance.

I can now always feel baby parts sticking out – he just doesn’t fit inside there any longer. My belly is forever weirdly shaped these days. It feels like this is what’s going on:

Only he is a boy…

I feel his hands digging below the – what are these bones called? the ones that stick out on very thing girls when they wear bikini? – well, below those bones. It’s hard to imagine that anything can be below those and not fall out of me.

His feet insistently stretch out of the left side of my belly. Which is better than when he kicks his feet upwards – in my ribs or diaphragm. At least once a day I jump, startled. Or hurt.

But you know what? I also feel sad because this awesome experience is coming to an end. I had wanted to be pregnant for so long. And when I did, finally, get pregnant, it felt like such a long journey – 8 more months from the moment I found out! And now most of the time has passed. Really, it could happen any day now. And I won’t be pregnant any longer. Yes, I will have a baby – but I all of a sudden feel like the time passed too fast and I didn’t quite enjoy the state of being pregnant.

Weird, very weird.

I guess I am just hormonal. Wishing for the pregnancy to never end – and wishing for the baby to be born early. I am a very confused pregnant woman – both things cannot happen!

And I increasingly worry – what if he’s born and something is really, really wrong with him? Horrible thoughts come to mind. I brush them away fairly successfully – but they still plague me…

Anyway… this is a long-winded, kind of babbling and empty post… So I’ll finish it here and now 😉

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10 Responses to “Keep Being Preggo? Give Birth? Can I Choose Both?”

  1. Aspiring mom to be January 7, 2012 at 11:46 AM #

    My EDD is 26 days away. I am having similar feelings to you. Ready for him to come NOW, but being sad pregnancy will be done, then being frustrated and feeling like I will be pregnant forever, then wanting pregnancy not to end! I worry about delivery and baby’s health and if i’ll be a good mom and feel not ready for baby. Then I wonder what he’ll be like and can’t wait to meet him. I feel like I make no sense. Hooray for hormones….

    Glad you posted this and that I’m not the only one 🙂

    • zygotta January 7, 2012 at 4:28 PM #

      You make PERFECT sense to me. That is exactly how I feel! Glad I posted this and now know that I am not a lonely (and ungrateful) weirdo. I am normal! ;)))

  2. Anonymous January 7, 2012 at 12:58 PM #

    I’m 7 weeks away from my EDD, and I’ve been having some of those feelings too. I’m starting to worry so much more about whether he is okay in there. I panic when I don’t feel him moving. And yes, I worry that I”m not savoring the experience enough!

    To top it off, I have a cat that I love very much, and I’m sad that I will be otherwise occupied in a few weeks, and he will be replaced and neglected. He is a snuggler that craves attention, too, not one of those cats that don’t care if you’re dead or alive.

    • zygotta January 7, 2012 at 4:29 PM #

      I often wonder what it’s like when you already have one child. The arrival of the new one – and the one that requires so much attention – must be so tough on everyone involved!

  3. adesolaf January 7, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

    POSITIVE thoughts! I’m positive all will be well and seeing your baby boy will be very worth him not being in your tummy again!!!

    I still can’t believe you have only 30 days to go!!!! Please enjoy the last few days of being pregnant 🙂

    • zygotta January 7, 2012 at 4:31 PM #

      Yes, when I say that I brush those thoughts away, I really mean I am trying to be positive. Reminding myself that the 13-week NT scan was fine. That the mid-term anatomy scan was fine.

      But then I would think: what if he is deaf (or something like that… things that don’t get picked up through an u/s).

      But I brush them aside. Worrying about this things won’t help anyone.

  4. jjiraffe January 8, 2012 at 2:00 AM #

    This totally makes me remember the end of my pregnancy and I thank you for that because I don’t remember it very well: I was so focused on the end game. I had my daughter’s feet sticking out of my upper abdomen and my son’s feet sticking out of my lower abdomen. It was painful, but awesome.

    • zygotta January 8, 2012 at 9:38 AM #

      You know, ever since I read that post of your where you say you only have one pregnancy photo, I can’t get it out of my mind. It makes me feel better that some pf the stuff I write helps you relive those wondrous days!

  5. Sam January 9, 2012 at 5:55 AM #

    It is completely normal to want the baby out at this stage cos lets face it, you’re uncomfortable 😉 But try and enjoy these last few days as much as you can – you miss that tum SO much once it’s gone.

    xxx

    • zygotta January 9, 2012 at 9:18 AM #

      That’s what I keep thinking of: I will miss it when it’s gone!

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