lost battle

24 Feb

He is screaming.
I have no more milk.
Hubby is giving him formula.
I am hysterical. I lost this battle. I feel useless. A failure of a mother. Defeated.

I know. It’s all about his well-being and much worse things happen. Nevertheless. I am highly distressed.

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19 Responses to “lost battle”

  1. Shannon February 24, 2012 at 11:25 PM #

    Oh no…..this made me just cry for you. I am so, so sorry Z. Please know you are not a failure in any way whatsoever, and this trial does not define your abilities as a mother. Try not to throw in the towel just yet, but be gentle to yourself. You are doing the absolute best you can and I’m sending super lactating thoughts your way.

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:52 AM #

      the “super lactating thoughts” (and advice you emailed me) helped a lot!!! thank you Shannon!

  2. Cathleen February 24, 2012 at 11:35 PM #

    I’m so sorry. Hang in there.

  3. St. Elsewhere February 25, 2012 at 5:23 AM #

    I understand your distress.

    Point is, if he is happy, you are happy. If he is well-fed, he will not scream. Get him that formula. His happiness will become your happiness.

    Please do not tax yourself over this….

    Take care!

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:51 AM #

      thank you – it helped being reminded that it’s all about his well-being and not about my plans and ideas of how it should be

  4. Jenna February 25, 2012 at 2:46 PM #

    You are such a wonderful mama. It’s hard to make those decisions! You are no failure. I don’t know if this will mke you feel better or not, but studies have found a link between PCOS and low milk supply. It’s NOT your fault so don’t allow the hormone demons trick you into thinking it is. Your sweet baby will be well nourished. And you are a champion.

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:47 AM #

      thank you Jenna
      reading encouraging words like these was very helpful!

  5. Nikki February 25, 2012 at 4:38 PM #

    Oh honey –

    I know it’s not what you wanted or planned, but it’s ok. It’s so not your fault and it will not hurt your little guy. Both of my girls have been only formula fed – no breast milk at all. It will be ok – and it will help you keep some sanity.

    It’s not your fault. Both of you will be happier. I promise. And you did the best you could – every doctor I’ve ever talked to has said ten days of breast feeding is the goal for any new mom. You did better than that!

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:48 AM #

      Thank you Nikki – looks like it wasn’t a lost battle, after all!

  6. Babylicious February 26, 2012 at 9:34 AM #

    Just remember that as upset as you are right now, the main point is for a full, healthy baby and a sane mama. If it doesn’t work you—he will still be healthy and smart. And you can get back to enjoying him.

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:49 AM #

      thank you
      i needed to refocus, indeed
      from what I want to what he needs

  7. adesolaf February 27, 2012 at 4:48 PM #

    So sorry to read this 😦 though I think being distressed would probably make a bad case worse! Please stay positive knowing you are doing what’s best for Timothy!! Remember you wanted natural birth, yet you did the right thing by having a CS end result you have a healthy baby despite all the odds stacked against you. You are a wonderful mother doing what’s in her baby’s best interest.

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 9:49 AM #

      thank you 🙂
      we relaxed now and all feels well!

  8. alleycatm March 2, 2012 at 11:26 AM #

    Ag no, shame, I can only imagine!! Feel better and don’t be so hard on yourself xxx

    • zygotta March 2, 2012 at 11:28 AM #

      thank you – things are getting better now!!

  9. marriage20 March 9, 2012 at 3:35 PM #

    HUGS!!!! Glad things have gotten better!!

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