Aside

Sadness

17 Apr

Now the weirdest thoughts come into my head to depress me.

The other day I realized that one day I will have to die and leave Timothy alone on this planet. This was extremely unsettling and bizarre at the same time – I used to get sad because I will die, because I will be no more. Now the prospect of leaving Timothy is what saddens me. And I can’t shake this thought off. Very sad.

And then I also keep thinking that he won’t be smiling at me with his wide, open-mouth smile with a twinkle in his eye for much longer. I mean, he will be smiling – but not simply because he saw me, not simply because I smiled at him. And it also saddens me.

Time is passing by so quickly and I don’t want it to pass… I want things to be pretty much like this forever!

 

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8 Responses to “Sadness”

  1. St. Elsewhere April 18, 2012 at 1:08 AM #

    Well…that’s so depressing…

    I have had these weird sort of dreams too…but not about my dying…but it seems every horror flick that stuck to my mind sort of replayed itself…there was a Liev Schrieber flick – Phantoms, and then another called The Ruins…the darned images kept coming back to me….nothing to do with the kiddo, but my little sleep was sometimes filled with them…

    • zygotta April 22, 2012 at 10:34 PM #

      i haven;t watched any horrors since my teenage years – and still those images sometimes haunt me

  2. alleycatm April 18, 2012 at 7:31 AM #

    Awww that is just horrible, I hope you get to blog out these horror thoughts! I can believe that these times are the best and that you want to hold on to them for as long as possible but when things changes and time moves on there will be more and other amazing things to come from that little man of yours!!

    • zygotta April 22, 2012 at 10:35 PM #

      haha, yes, “blogging things out” helps 🙂

  3. Kristen April 18, 2012 at 10:20 PM #

    Oh…I have thoughts like this too and it’s hard to shake them. Looking forward to seeing my babies grow, but it’s breaking my heart to leave the first month behind…they’ll never be so tiny again…
    Hugs…

  4. alleycatm April 19, 2012 at 2:33 AM #

    I was reading the comments now and remembered a dream I had not so long ago, just after I found out that my only way forward would be DE IVF I dreamt that DH, his daughter and our child was sitting in the living room, I cannot remember what was said in the dream but the bottom line was that one of the kids said “you are nobody’s mommy” … that was the worst dream ever

    • zygotta April 22, 2012 at 10:36 PM #

      the good thing about dreams like this is the moment when you wake up and realize it’s not true, it’s not happening (trying to think positive here)

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