On blogoversary, periods, and back-or-not to TTC

8 Mar

Today is my blogoversary. I started this blog on March 2011, wondering how long it will take me to get pregnant. Wondering if I will be able to get pregnant. It actually got resolved relatively quickly and easily. In February 2012 my son was born.

Funny thing, I was soooo ready to jump right back into baby-making – right after giving birth. And I was so mad that due to having had c-section,I wasn’t allowed to get preggo until Timothy turned 9 months. And I didn’t get my period until Timothy turned 10 months anyway.

But that is all irrelevant. Because now that Timothy is one year old, I actually am not sure I am ready for TTC now. It’s long. it’s tiring. It’s scary.

Timothy started daycare a month ago and we have both been sick for the most part since. I am still breastfeeding him, so most drugs are still off-limits for me. Somehow that was what prompted this whole “not now” line of thinking.

I want to be me, if only for a short time. To be able to drink and not think that I am nursing, or that I am pregnant, or that I might be pregnant. To take pills for headache. To take pills when I am sick and desperately need to catch some sleep, or to suppress this cough. It’s been a looooooong time. First TTC, then pregnancy, then nursing… and it’s still going. I am not ready to plunge into another 3 or more years of this right away.

I know, it might get even tougher, the older Timothy gets, the farther away we move from babyhood.

But right now I just cannot wrap my head around going through all of this, again…

That being said, we’re having unprotected sex. because you know what – if we manage to get pregnant on our own – so be it!

But I am not holding my breath.

My first postpartum period I got when Timothy was 10 months old. It was a good, painless period, only 5 days long (used to be 8). Great, huh? Well, on CD 14 I started spotting – and spotted for 3 weeks. Some days it went stronger, some days a barely-there-pink. the walk-in doctor said it’s the breastfeeding hormones colliding with period hormones, make my body go crazy (as if it weren’t crazy enough already). So 1 week of period, 1 week of quiet, 3 weeks of spotting, then another couple of weeks of quiet – then another period. So my first cycle was 6 weeks long.

There was no spotting in the second cycle, and it also was about 6 weeks long.

Then my third cycle was 3 weeks long. Started as spotting and turned into a weird period, really light in volume, but definitely a period.

And that’s it so far.

It’s still better than when I went off the BC pill in spring 2010 and did not have periods at all. At least this time around I do have periods. And they are pain-free! But due to their wacky nature and unpredictable timing… yeah, my PCOS is still there and I am not holding my breath, expecting to get preggo on my own.

So there you go. Sex is unprotected, but I am not ready to honestly try to have a baby now. Perhaps towards the end of the year… I will be 34 in May. I am not too old to rush it like crazy, especially now that I have doubts I want 3 kids. Let’s take it one step at a time, okay?..


5 Responses to “On blogoversary, periods, and back-or-not to TTC”

  1. Aspiring Mom to Be March 8, 2013 at 11:30 AM #

    Happy blogoversary! I think the trying-but-not-trying thing isn’t a bad way to go. If it happens, it happens! Good luck 🙂

    • zygotta March 8, 2013 at 11:31 AM #

      Thank you.
      yes, it’s… how do I describe it? It takes the pressure off. For now, anyway…

  2. St. Elsewhere March 8, 2013 at 11:40 PM #

    Happy Blogoversary!

    Trying but not trying is a good way. Age is the one thing on my mind as well. I was 26 when I started TTC. Figlia was born when I was 34. I am 35 already, and I do not have the leeway or the margin to wait for a couple of years and then try.

    What do I do? Oh, what do I do?

  3. Mrs FF March 14, 2013 at 2:58 AM #

    Well, it is not always an easy decision to make, especially as one gets older, but who knows what would happen, considering you had your first miracle, who says multiple more miracles can’t happen

    Happy Blogoversary!!!

  4. Mrs. E April 3, 2013 at 10:29 PM #

    I don’t know how I missed this post, but just wanted to say that I hope you and Timothy are feeling better! And whatever you decide regarding TTC, I wish you the best of luck…I know there are so many choices involved and things to consider–it’s so much more complicated that simply wanting another child. In the meantime, enjoy your first miracle =)

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