Not Ready?..

30 Aug

I think I finally realized what scares me so much in having another baby: I don’t feel physically ready.

I am constantly exhausted. I don’t remember the last time I slept in – and not because I can’t, no. In fact, hubby gets up early with Timothy and as far as he is concerned, I can sleep all I want; but I can’t. I simply can’t. Whether it’s a habit or what – I don’t know, but the longest I can sleep is until about 8 am.

And it’s not like I go to bed late, no. I am in bed around 10 pm usually, lights off by 10:30 pm. So even on weekdays I get over 8 hours of sleep. I have never slept that much! But I am exhausted, constantly.

And that scares me. When Timothy was born, I didn’t have much trouble waking up for the night feedings (and staying up). I was fine. I wasn’t even too sleepy. I was there, in the dark, relaxing, nursing. Well – maybe mot the first 3 or so weeks while nursing still hurt, but then it was all relaxing. Get up nurse, crawl back into bed, sleep.

Now I worry that I won’t have that level of energy. I won’t be that peaceful, go-with-the-flow mom. I worry that I will be a nerve wreck. I fear that I won’t have patience for the baby. Especially if the new baby turns out to be a difficult one.

And with looking after Timothy and being pregnant, I just don’t see how I can get rested enough before baby #2 arrives. I hope that it’s still the first trimester tiredness lingering, that it will pass… but I worry.

I am at home today, alone. Timothy is in daycare, hubby at work… and all I wanna do – is do nothing. I sat in front of my computer, then in front of TV watching How To Train Your Dragon. I ate in between. I forced myself to start some laundry. But overall – I would be quite happy to sit and stare at the wall. I don’t wanna do anything. I want to sleep but I can’t. I’m so, so tired. All the time.

I hope it passes over the next couple of weeks as trimester #2 kicks in… but what if it doesn’t? How will I ever get ready for baby #2?..

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2 Responses to “Not Ready?..”

  1. An Aspiring Mom August 30, 2013 at 2:15 PM #

    I definitely was more tired during my second pregnancy. I was exhausted my first trimester. I did get some of my energy back in my second trimester. Probably not as much energy this time around, but enough to stage a house and pack and do a move and travel. Third trimester got hard again energy wise…. I’be just decided to not feel badly about being lazy and giving the energy I DO have to enjoying the last little while of parenting one child.

    Just do what you can when you can. There were some days that all I could do during my son’s naptime was sleep
    Or zone out and read blogs. But on good days, I could be quite productive. Try to tske advantage of your good days. Take it easy when you need to and don’t feel badly about doing it! You’ll get it all done!

  2. Mrs. E September 3, 2013 at 12:44 AM #

    I think An Aspiring Mom gave some great advice! I, too, feel so tired this pregnancy. Running after the twins can be exhausting, and I know I am definitely not as productive as I should/would like to be most days. I try to do as much as possible when the energy kicks in though, and it has gotten easier as the pregnancy has progressed. I hope you get your energy back soon!

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