Tag Archives: Fond memories

Anatomy Ultrasound

14 Sep

The suspense is over. The gender has been revealed. After an hour-long ultrasound (I didn’t expect it to be THAT long) we were shown the head, the face, the profile, the four chambers of the heart, the stomach, the spine, the hands, the feet, and there, in between the legs… was a small penis 😉

Now we know – it’s a boy! A little soccer player. Or kung-fu master, more likely. Even the u/s tech commented “this one isn’t a quiet one” 😉

Baby was super-active during the ultrasound. The ultrasound machine froze up on us twice – and while she (the u/s tech) was fiddling with it, I saw the baby kicks for the first time – I mean on belly!!! The baby kicked me a few times in a row to the right from my belly button – and I saw the kicks, bump-bump-bump! Very cute 😉

The baby is almost upright. My friends are telling me once it turns head-down and starts kicking my diaphragm, it won’t be quite so cute. Oh well. At least with all this kicking going on I didn’t feel worried before this u/s. I know the baby is alive and kicking. Literally 😉

It yawned and waved and moved a lot. And it’s measuring almost a week ahead at 20w2d (I am 19w4d). Yay!

Now I’ll have to get used to the idea of having a boy. So weird. Most of my friends have girls, so I know very little about baby-boys. Except for my nephew, but I was 12 when he was born. I don’t remember much.

Anyway. The suspense is over. The baby shower is scheduled. Now I’ll have to double-check my registry to make sure I don’t have an occasional pink item there 😉



Felt the Kick on the Outside!

4 Sep

I just felt the baby kick with my hand! It started to kick, I placed my hand on that spot and baby kicked my palm! Woo-hoo, and they say my partner won’t be able to join for another few weeks! Well, he might not feel it, I guess. It’s hard to be next to me at the right moment.

And I just shared the news with him and he was all confused: what do you mean you felt the kick on the outside?

He didn’t seem excited.


Well, I am excited!

First Baby Outfit, First Pregnancy Question

22 Aug

Last week I had a business lunch with someone I used to do business with in my previous job. They’re interested in getting business from me in my new position. We got talking, and I shared my pregnancy news, and he showed me pics of his 7-month, and…

This morning I discovered a parcel, inside which was a cute white onesie, branded with their logo. And it’s the first baby item we got! So unexpectedely, who would’ve though the first one would come from a business partner 😉

I got also asked today for the first time whether I am pregnant. I guess it is showing prominently enough now that the woman wasn’t afraid to pose the question (and to hear “no, I am just fat” ;))

First Kicks?

20 Aug

I think I am starting to really feel the baby.

First time I thought I felt something, I was 12w1d. At the time I felt as if a small bubble turned around its axe at the top of my uterus. Gas doesn’t turn around – gas always moves along intestines. But being a first-time mom, I wasn’t sure.

I had a few occasions last weekend when I though I felt the baby. It felt, indeed, like people describe it: once again, somewhere where the top of my uterus is, small touches like with a butterfly’s wing. But I wasn’t sure.

But yesterday and this morning I felt something much more pronounced, like little kicks. Like pokes, only gentle. They weren’t at the very top of my uterus but slightly to the right – although they definitely were at the front of my stomach. I am fairly sure that it’s my uterus that’s at the front of my stomach – and the intestines behind it?

Anyway, except for that first time at 12w1d, I only seem to feel my baby when I lie down.

But I really do think that I am starting to feel my baby! Exciting 🙂

How I Became a Happy Person (You Can, Too)

9 Aug

4 years ago I was very unhappy – and then I did something that really turned my life around. You can do it, too – that’s why I want to share it with you. This post is a bit long, but you know what? Read it, it’s worth it.

I was in a dead-end marriage, with a husband who was feeding me lots of bullshit, doing everything possible to prevent us from having kids (not that we had much chance, as it turned out later). I was sad, unhappy. My job was stressful and demanding, and I was farely new in Toronto and didn’t have real close friends to share these feelings with, to ask advice. I was lonely and lost.

That’s when I read, in one of the blogs I follow, about a 100-day-dreaming exercise (or so I called it).

The idea is simple: for 100 days, every day, twice a day, you spend at least 5 minutes writing down your dreams. Now, when I say “writing down”, I don’t mean creating a shopping list of goals. I mean writing down what passes through your head. How you see those dreams. In details, with lots of adjectives and adverbs. That blogger promised that the universe will hear you and help you.

So I figured: what the heck? Why not? And decided to do it.

When I started, my first entries held lots and lots of dreams, small and big, poorly described. They did look more like shopping lists. As the days went by though, some of my dreams captivated my imagination – my heart. I started exploring them, spelling out what “being loved” actually means to me – how I want to be held, looked at, communicated with, etc. How I wanted to be appreciated at work, encouraged, celebrated even. And so on.

The other dreams from those early entries, at the same time, started taking second, third, fourth place… and disappearing from my daily entries altogether. They obviously weren’t all that important as I discovered.

Now, I didn’t do this for 100 days – only for about 25. I felt like I had nothing more to add – so well, so thoroughly did I describe everything I really wanted. But I was very diligent about doing it twice a day – and I typically spent more than 5 minutes per session (my daily commute to work came in handy there).

So I finished those writings and put them in a drawer. And almost forgot about them – until I came across them about a year later.

Imagine, how shocked I was, when I realized that about 90% of those dreams came true!!! Maybe not exactly the way I expected them to, but they did!

My ex didn’t fall back in love with me (surprise, surprise). But we finally split up and I met a new guy who embodied ALL of the things I was dreaming of. I felt so loved, so important, so cared for – it took my breath away – and exactly the way I wanted it to be. So dream came to live a bit differently than I expected, but the main thing happened: I became loved.

I gained 2 real close friends.

I lost weight and was extremely happy with the way I looked and felt.

Funny thing: I almost cursed myself when I read me work-related dreams: I actually said there that I didn’t care about promotions and salary raises – but I really wanted to be appreciated, celebrated and recognized – and that was exactly what happened. Everyone was singing odes to me, but my raise was abysmal 🙂 (I fixed that with another round of 100-day-dreaming the following year and got promoted and salary raised).

Now, I don’t really believe in magic. Or – in pure magic. I think what really happened here, was that instead of mopping around, I really focused on what is it that I want, and how I want it. I visualized it. I also prioritized my dreams and goals. And because of that they became sort of “top level awareness” for me. As I went about my life, I subconsciously made decisions that brought me closer to my goals – because my subconscious was properly briefed on what I want, so to speak.

It’s important to be honest with yourself when you write these. Example. If, as you write about really wanting a promotion, you feel a fear that you might not be ready for it and scared of getting promoted only to get fired – write about it. Explore this fear. And find what you really want.

PS In the middle of that first year, there was an excruciatingly unhappy period. I won’t go into details, but it was really black. And then – life changed. And kept getting better with every passing year.

And I keep returning to this exercise about once a year 🙂 It’s not always as successful as that first year (when 90% came to life) – but that’s because my dreams are now longer-term. They simply cannot happen in one year. But I definitely am moving in the right direction.

Be happy, all!

Told My Boss About My Pregnancy

3 Aug

Yesterday I told my boss about my pregnancy.

We scheduled a 5 pm meeting to go over some things – my boss was too busy to meet earlier. Since it was after hours, we had a good conversation, not rushed and relaxed. For an hour, we discussed all the ongoing projects, plans, initiatives… And then when the discussion died down, I said: there is something else I need to tell you: I am 13 weeks pregnant.

She beamed – I don’t know if she was really that happy or whether, as a boss, she got really good at putting on a big smile – but either way, she warmly congratulated me, asked me how I feel and for how long I will be able to stay.

I told her that while my contract with them is up in the e/o December, my due date is early February – she said she sees no problem extending it if I want.

And overall she told me this is great news and not to worry, they will survive and plan my succession :). Which made me feel really good – I felt awkward when the day after I accepted their offer I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I was cheating, accepting job knowing that I will be leaving them (if all goes well) in 8 months.

So I feel relieved and at peace. Time to start planning vacation. We want to go south for a week, just the two of us, to fully enjoy the quiet time, recharge, reconnect, and prepare for the coming changes,

Spreading the Joy

1 Aug

We started spreading the joy on Thursday – we started telling people we’re expecting a baby.

You know what, I like the way it sounds: “expecting a baby”. It sounds more certain, more positive, than “pregnant”.

Anyway, sharing feels nice. It makes it feel real. Not in our heads. Not a figment of imagination.

My mom got emotional and cried.

My niece (she’s 5) is very excited – she’s in that age when she is getting interested in pregnancy and babies and The Question “where babies come from” 🙂

I got very warm congratulatory emails from my SIL – we emailed each other pretty much all day today. I shared the details of how we got pregnant. She was very happy for us – and very happy indeed we still intend to go visit them in the fall.

My other SIL sent a warm note urging my hubby to take good care of me 🙂

My step-daughter is uber-excited, too – and can’t wait to see belly pics. Apparently, she’s obsessed with pregnant bumps 🙂

I also called my grandma – she was very happy for me and guessed I am having a girl since there was almost no morning sickness to speak of. We shall see. She was a bit sad she won’t be able to see me this year. She’s almost 86… But at least she’s happy for me. She really was against me having kids in my first marriage – she confessed later she always knew we weren’t meant for each other…

The baby starts to get more real. This is happening. I am going to be a mom. How weird is that???

We will start telling our friends next week 🙂