The exhaustion is back, almost as blackening and as overpowering as before. Perhaps I was too quick to start taking iron every other day…
Terrible headaches started plaguing me, too – I wake with a headache, which subsides if I don’t move and which is at its worst if I turn from side to side – it’s as if a knife is piercing my brain somewhere behind my eyes. It’s better during the day, when I am in the upright position, but still overpowers me now and again. Perhaps it’s the weird abruptly changing weather, falling or raising atmospheric pressure… perhaps I am reading too much… whatever it is, it’s not fun – and I can’t take medication (tylenol doesn’t work on me, anyway).
On a bright side, I started fulfilling the things on my list – things I wanna do while I still can, while I am still somewhat free to go and do things. I wasn’t working last Friday, so I went for movie and lunch with my friend – we saw The Butler. And we went hiking with a group of friends (Timothy in the hiking backpack) on Sunday – followed by a dinner in a closeby restaurant (it was probably the first time Timothy behaved himself so well, no whining and waiting patiently for his food).
These two outings made me really happy.
The baby is very active, I feel it at least twice a day. Timothy wasn’t quite as active (or at least I didn’t feel his flutters quite as often) in the early days.
Just like my weekly newsletter predicted, the weight gain picked up – I gained 2 pounds in a week. But as it makes the total of 6 pounds in almost 18 weeks of pregnancy, I am unconcerned. It was bound to start at some point I am far behind my weight gain the first time around, and even then I gained only 30 pounds throughout the whole pregnancy (10 of which turned out to be Timothy :))
I am as infatuated with spicy foods as ever. Overall, my appetite has spiked – I feel like I can eat non-stop during the day. Thankfully, the appetite shuts down towards the evening (we all know stuffing yourself in the evening is the worst)
I am starting to feel pregnant. The weird aches in pelvic area if I walk for too long. The increasing discomfort in bed, trying to find a better position. The need to exhale loudly when sitting down. Someone already tried to give me their seat on the streetcar – so I am definitely showing now.
My fuse is shorter. I lose my temper with Timothy every now and again. Just yesterday we walked in the door, he threw the newspapers onto the floor. I asked him to stop, he proceeded throwing letter onto the floor. I raised my voice a bit, repeating my request, asking him to go instead sit down and let me remove his shoes. He smiled and ran into the room, grabbed a tablet and threw onto the floor, with force. I lost it – I yelled at him. Timothy looked scared and promptly ran into the hall, sat down and stretched his leg for me to remove the shoe. I apologized for yelling and told him I love him – he smiled, jumped up and gave me a hug, laughing. Still, I felt really bad… I just don’t have as much patience when he’s throwing things around, or is scrubbing yogurt into his hair, or is trying to break free when we are walking on the street… No, it’s not like I yell at him all the time – that actually rarely happens – but I feel just how much more self-restraint it takes from me to keep smiling pleasantly, repeating the same soothing words, the same explanations of why he should or shouldn’t do something. Perhaps it has nothing to do with pregnancy – perhaps it’s all because he’s now in that stage of toddlerhood where he’s constantly testing the boundaries, but still… it wears me off.
On the other hand, I feel that Timothy is in the most wonderful stage yet. He’s learning something new every day, he gets excited by new achievements and discoveries, turning his beaming face at me, making sure I am proud, too – sharing his joys with me. I don’t think I have ever felt so overwhelmed with love as I do these days. He’s just so awesome.
I am worrying about ultrasounds. I still don’t have the results of the down screening, and anyway I heard many stories of how even after those tests babies can be born with down syndrome… I worry that although not 35 yet – I am 34, which is close enough – and at 35 they already strongly recommend doing amnio… I worry about the anatomy ultrasound next week… I feel like the feeling of surrealness over getting pregnant without medical intervention is now converting into fears that something is bound to be wrong. Next Thursday is the ultrasound, and the following week I have my gyno appointment, where I will learn all the results at once…
Well, at least I feel the baby flutters, that puts me at ease somewhat…
I think I am waiting for all these results to start really preparing for the new arrival. To start double-stroller shopping, and considering some re-decorations of the nursery (as eventually the kids will be sharing the room), and some other related questions. Now it’s all on hold.
It’s at the same times incredible that I’m at almost 18 weeks already – and that there are still 5 whole months to go. Funny feeling that time is flying fast – but there’s still far enough to go.
But the exhaustion is killing me. Maybe the time is flying so fast because I sleep so much. Work days fly by, and then weekends pass almost as quickly…