Today is my blogoversary. I started this blog on March 2011, wondering how long it will take me to get pregnant. Wondering if I will be able to get pregnant. It actually got resolved relatively quickly and easily. In February 2012 my son was born.
Funny thing, I was soooo ready to jump right back into baby-making – right after giving birth. And I was so mad that due to having had c-section,I wasn’t allowed to get preggo until Timothy turned 9 months. And I didn’t get my period until Timothy turned 10 months anyway.
But that is all irrelevant. Because now that Timothy is one year old, I actually am not sure I am ready for TTC now. It’s long. it’s tiring. It’s scary.
Timothy started daycare a month ago and we have both been sick for the most part since. I am still breastfeeding him, so most drugs are still off-limits for me. Somehow that was what prompted this whole “not now” line of thinking.
I want to be me, if only for a short time. To be able to drink and not think that I am nursing, or that I am pregnant, or that I might be pregnant. To take pills for headache. To take pills when I am sick and desperately need to catch some sleep, or to suppress this cough. It’s been a looooooong time. First TTC, then pregnancy, then nursing… and it’s still going. I am not ready to plunge into another 3 or more years of this right away.
I know, it might get even tougher, the older Timothy gets, the farther away we move from babyhood.
But right now I just cannot wrap my head around going through all of this, again…
That being said, we’re having unprotected sex. because you know what – if we manage to get pregnant on our own – so be it!
But I am not holding my breath.
My first postpartum period I got when Timothy was 10 months old. It was a good, painless period, only 5 days long (used to be 8). Great, huh? Well, on CD 14 I started spotting – and spotted for 3 weeks. Some days it went stronger, some days a barely-there-pink. the walk-in doctor said it’s the breastfeeding hormones colliding with period hormones, make my body go crazy (as if it weren’t crazy enough already). So 1 week of period, 1 week of quiet, 3 weeks of spotting, then another couple of weeks of quiet – then another period. So my first cycle was 6 weeks long.
There was no spotting in the second cycle, and it also was about 6 weeks long.
Then my third cycle was 3 weeks long. Started as spotting and turned into a weird period, really light in volume, but definitely a period.
And that’s it so far.
It’s still better than when I went off the BC pill in spring 2010 and did not have periods at all. At least this time around I do have periods. And they are pain-free! But due to their wacky nature and unpredictable timing… yeah, my PCOS is still there and I am not holding my breath, expecting to get preggo on my own.
So there you go. Sex is unprotected, but I am not ready to honestly try to have a baby now. Perhaps towards the end of the year… I will be 34 in May. I am not too old to rush it like crazy, especially now that I have doubts I want 3 kids. Let’s take it one step at a time, okay?..